I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
