I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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