it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
