I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
