plz talk dirty to me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think i have two assholes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
