He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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