Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
