I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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