THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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