About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
