He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
