it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
