He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
