When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
