As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
