My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
