I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
