just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
