He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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