What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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