My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
