She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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