I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
