ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
