We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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