A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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