When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
