I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
