NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
