I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
