She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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