I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize