life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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