Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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