He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
