Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
