So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
