Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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