I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have already put on my inside pants.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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