Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
