Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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