You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
