so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
