$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Mom said you looked used
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
