Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
