lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
