Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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