YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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