Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
