also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
