Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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