i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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