the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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