pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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