it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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