Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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