guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
