i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
