Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
