Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
