We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
