I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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