giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
