He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
