kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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