please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
