I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
