drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
time to smoke my breakfast
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
