at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
