and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
