what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
be right there i have to get my cape
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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