Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
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what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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