i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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