All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
