They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
