Please, let me fuck your mom
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
