mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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